On the days where I manage to sit still...can sometimes forget the body and all it's ailments...sometimes forget the world and all its unknown vastness... Just observing emptiness of desire...thought....action....

What we learn and know...depends so much on where we are and how we interprate things...it's really interesting to see meeting of great minds, strong exchange of opinions...all equally right and wrong at the same time.... It's no wonder we find so much dissatisfaction in life....we're constantly looking for our twin self....yet closing off the mind to so much beauty in diversity.... also desiring to be someone we're not, somewhere we can't go, somehow happier...forgetting....hey...it's not so bad now....here....in this moment....

I know...even as I deny it....my sense of personal ego is quite sensitive to external approval... but as the armor is dented again and again....there seems to be small ounces of truth coming through...Knowing my way is not always right all the time....making mistakes which only I see.....will just hope to let the truth through the ego barrier more often....even if it stings a little....

In the end want to find the place...where there is no 'I' to deal with....

With this beginning of the 2005...priorities clear....full steam ahead...

On the bus back to KL....after spending a solemn, cold and wet weekend at home in Kluang. Alone again, left to contemplate my life. I found more and more confidence ...accepting that we are, who we are....innately and independent of influence. If you are stingy, you are, if you are indifferent, you are... it takes a tidal wave to change that....such was the events in the last few days. It shows that change in inevitable....

I hope and deeply wish that the world would change...sometimes I do feel that it's changing....it's blossoming.....

Decided my new aim for the year is to try to culture some equanimity...definition is 'steadiness of mind under stress'.

Read this article of newsweek....agree....neutral...

‘Religion is Morally Neutral’

I keep having to remind people that religion in and of itself is morally neutral. Religion is like a knife. When you use a knife for cutting up bread to prepare sandwiches, a knife is good. If you use the same knife to stick into somebody’s guts, a knife is bad. Religion in and of itself is not good or bad—it is what it makes you do… Frequently, fundamentalists will say this person is the anointed of God if the particular person is supporting their own positions on for instance, homosexuality, or abortion. [I] feel so deeply saddened [about it]. Do you really believe that the Jesus who was depicted in the Scriptures as being on the side of those who were vilified, those who were marginalized, that this Jesus would actually be supporting groups that clobber a group that is already persecuted? That’s a Christ I would not worship. I'm glad that I believe very fervently that Jesus would not be on the side of gay bashers. To think that people say, as they used to say, that AIDS was God’s punishment for homosexuality. Abominable. Abominable.

Often people I know speak of signs...

Indications of something that should happen...will happen....may happen... But I rarely take them seriously....so if life's giving me signs....I probably ignored most of them...but sometimes they are too obvious to ignore....

And we complain that the road signs on our highways are terrible.... yet we ignore the ones that are already there...opting instead to get lost....lost and trapped in a never-ending circle of panic and confusion...

So I never given it much of a thought...but if there are signs....perhaps it's time to heed them....

So much suffering....it doesn't even seem right...but what happened, happened....I'm trying hard not to think about why and what caused it... chipping in as much as possible...hope the ppl in sri lanka likes Milo...

One of those days where being alive seems like a gift....

Was thinking about karma....and how everything we do....however direct or indirect has an impact on others....keep wondering what south east asia did to get hit by such a big one.... but realised also that a lot of good karma will come out of this disaster....where altruism and generosity is tapped....and sustaining the survivors will be an ongoing lesson on gratitude....

I consider my little problems...they have just become microscopic....

I wonder if this will happen on a world wide scale, shrinking problems....if this was an act of god....He's probably hoping we'll all wake up from the vicious cycle where men are lovers of money....and violence is preferred to peace....

Flowing through life..

Going with the flow...

Flow...