JustLost's Xanga

Dissections

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 12:54:48 GMT

Started at the Anatomy lab in Jefferson yesterday...

Smell wasn't too bad....I think it's probably the first time I encountered a really dead body...
I didn't throw up...

Left to train

Mon, 08 May 2006 12:35:27 GMT

Have you wondered how much we train? It's more than just the sessions we spend with a large group of people... as we are sitting in our little rooms we train our mind to be at home...we train our eyes to familiarize itself with what it sees and not what we think it sees....we train our noses to appreciate smells which eventually fade....we train our ears to stay with the moment and avoid being carried away by sounds....we are constantly tasting this world between our tongue and palate....Lastly we're touching the keyboards which allow words to come through the vast infinite internet into computers the other side of the word....

Amazing huh?

The training that I've learned was hard....learning to use the left hand....sustained a flesh wound on right palm while training.... Noticed how awkward and uncomfortable it is to brush your teeth, wash dishes and even eat with only the left hand...

Never had to force myself to use the left hand before....the unnoticed....quietly ignorant hand....didn't know how to brush it's owner's teeth....even being attached for 2 decades....

So what other parts of us are ignorant?

So my motto of the month is SHOW YOUR IGNORANCE.... how uncomfortable can that be eh? Just the notion of it makes the ego shrivel and cringe....yay.... Why distort what you don't know to make it seem like you know....how stupid is that.....

Perhaps with time...we'll notice discomfort of ignorance when it arises....and allow that to be....not resist the mere temptation to defend this 'little-self' but defend a higher purpose to dispel the bliss of ignorance....be wise enough to sit still and watch every impermanent moment move unaffected through the mind....

It's never too late to learn....

Day by day

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 10:50:43 GMT

The energy we invest day by day,

How much of it is moving us in the direction of tranquility,

How much of it is throwing us into chaos,

How much of this is real,

How much of this is just what we think is real,

See the energy we put into shrinking our world,

With a mind contantly obsessed with,

Why does this have to happen to me?

Who made that mess?

What bullshit I have to put up with?

Who do you think you are?

Why can't that be me?

See the energy we arouse to expand our world and ask,

Which teacher should I listen to?

What skills should I sharpen?

What habits should I rid of?

Which obsessions are holding me back?

All the energy we waste to shrink our cosmos,

All the energy that brings about the turning of the wheel,

Do you want to keep being the cause of your own suffering

Continually angry, continually greedy, continually ignorant....

Day by day by day....

Monday, February 28, 2005

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 12:02:19 GMT

Never thought that life could be lived with so few worries... so thankful for the peace found in buddhist meditation...for seeking refuge in somewhere that actually makes a lot of sense....something that actually proves that it's possible to rest in peace...in the comforts of your bedroom...and not in the comfort of a coffin

So things are coming to a conclusion....

Last day at the lab....well...officially decided to just not work anymore...

Concluded the adventure of searching for a religion...just found one....

Decided to admit that I'm really going to the US....flight tickets are booked....

Ceading to be too obsessed with taichi....understanding things in perspective...profound it may be....but it can also be abused...

All that is subject to arising....is subject to passing away.... so this is it... I've come to realise....endings and beginnings are one and the same...just these cycles we've traversed not once but many times.....we are just so unaware of it...

Just read something I'm just beginning to be aware of....

Awareness is your refuge

Awareness of the changingness of feelings,

of attitudes, of moods, of material change, and emotional change

Stay with that, because it's a refuge that is indestructible

It's not something that changes

It's a refuge you can trust in

This refuge is not something that you create

It's not a creation. It's not an ideal

It's very practical and very simple

but

easily overlooked or not noticed

When you are mindful

you're beginning to notice

it's like this

Sometimes indeed we're so unattentive, we're don't even know we're unattentive...

So see the nature of things....as they are....not through dirty window...

Wipe it clean....try meditation... try to be still....to be calm....wisdom will flow

There's no need to force....to control....to dictate....just be totally aware of life....this moment....the minutes taken to read these words....the time it takes to chew a morsel of food....or better yet...the seconds it take to breathe in and out.....

Monday, February 07, 2005

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 14:43:05 GMT

There's this saying about how we should only hold on to something as long as it's useful.....as long as it serves a purpose...

Lately I've learned that....there's nothing that's really worth clinging on to...nothing...as long as there's desire...there's suffering....

It's truly amazing where the truth leads....when you see the reality....the complete non-sugar coated truth.....

Every moment is truly precious...not one is wasted...

There's a time and place for everything.....but listening to your heart....the one thing that truly doesn't lie....we call it logic...we call it common sense...but so deluded we are by the 5 senses...and the monkey mind...that our view is clouded....

Of course...cognition...it one thing.....understanding...is another...the beginning of understanding is truly excellent...

Just in case you're wondering what is it I'm talking about....

The Buddha, the Dhamma and the happiest people I know...the monks

Do not go upon what has been acquired by repeated hearing, nor upon tradition, nor upon rumor, nor upon scripture, nor upon surmise, nor upon axiom, nor upon specious reasoning, nor upon bias towards a notion pondered over, nor upon another's seeming ability, nor upon the consideration - Buddha's Charter of Free Inquiry

Well that's still most of our life...it's too easy to follow....and very hard to lead

Only hope to correct one view...mine.....for now....

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 12:13:33 GMT

On the days where I manage to sit still...can sometimes forget the body and all it's ailments...sometimes forget the world and all its unknown vastness... Just observing emptiness of desire...thought....action....

What we learn and know...depends so much on where we are and how we interprate things...it's really interesting to see meeting of great minds, strong exchange of opinions...all equally right and wrong at the same time.... It's no wonder we find so much dissatisfaction in life....we're constantly looking for our twin self....yet closing off the mind to so much beauty in diversity.... also desiring to be someone we're not, somewhere we can't go, somehow happier...forgetting....hey...it's not so bad now....here....in this moment....

I know...even as I deny it....my sense of personal ego is quite sensitive to external approval... but as the armor is dented again and again....there seems to be small ounces of truth coming through...Knowing my way is not always right all the time....making mistakes which only I see.....will just hope to let the truth through the ego barrier more often....even if it stings a little....

In the end want to find the place...where there is no 'I' to deal with....

With this beginning of the 2005...priorities clear....full steam ahead...

Monday, January 03, 2005

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 11:35:28 GMT

On the bus back to KL....after spending a solemn, cold and wet weekend at home in Kluang. Alone again, left to contemplate my life. I found more and more confidence ...accepting that we are, who we are....innately and independent of influence. If you are stingy, you are, if you are indifferent, you are... it takes a tidal wave to change that....such was the events in the last few days. It shows that change in inevitable....

I hope and deeply wish that the world would change...sometimes I do feel that it's changing....it's blossoming.....

Decided my new aim for the year is to try to culture some equanimity...definition is 'steadiness of mind under stress'.

Read this article of newsweek....agree....neutral...

‘Religion is Morally Neutral’

Desmond Tutu winner of the 1984 Nobel Peace Prize

I keep having to remind people that religion in and of itself is morally neutral. Religion is like a knife. When you use a knife for cutting up bread to prepare sandwiches, a knife is good. If you use the same knife to stick into somebody’s guts, a knife is bad. Religion in and of itself is not good or bad—it is what it makes you do… Frequently, fundamentalists will say this person is the anointed of God if the particular person is supporting their own positions on for instance, homosexuality, or abortion. [I] feel so deeply saddened [about it]. Do you really believe that the Jesus who was depicted in the Scriptures as being on the side of those who were vilified, those who were marginalized, that this Jesus would actually be supporting groups that clobber a group that is already persecuted? That’s a Christ I would not worship. I'm glad that I believe very fervently that Jesus would not be on the side of gay bashers. To think that people say, as they used to say, that AIDS was God’s punishment for homosexuality. Abominable. Abominable.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Wed, 29 Dec 2004 23:45:21 GMT

Often people I know speak of signs...

Indications of something that should happen...will happen....may happen... But I rarely take them seriously....so if life's giving me signs....I probably ignored most of them...but sometimes they are too obvious to ignore....

And we complain that the road signs on our highways are terrible.... yet we ignore the ones that are already there...opting instead to get lost....lost and trapped in a never-ending circle of panic and confusion...

So I never given it much of a thought...but if there are signs....perhaps it's time to heed them....

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Tue, 28 Dec 2004 13:05:36 GMT

So much suffering....it doesn't even seem right...but what happened, happened....I'm trying hard not to think about why and what caused it... chipping in as much as possible...hope the ppl in sri lanka likes Milo...

One of those days where being alive seems like a gift....

Was thinking about karma....and how everything we do....however direct or indirect has an impact on others....keep wondering what south east asia did to get hit by such a big one.... but realised also that a lot of good karma will come out of this disaster....where altruism and generosity is tapped....and sustaining the survivors will be an ongoing lesson on gratitude....

I consider my little problems...they have just become microscopic....

I wonder if this will happen on a world wide scale, shrinking problems....if this was an act of god....He's probably hoping we'll all wake up from the vicious cycle where men are lovers of money....and violence is preferred to peace....

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 00:11:20 GMT

Flowing through life..

Going with the flow...

Flow...